So today I accepted me.
Struggling with being a woman & life’s blows to the ovaries and all.
Let me explain.
I’ve struggled on & off with self esteem (specifically about my physical body) For as long as I Can remember. I know what you’re thinking : “Elle, you’re a girl, that’s normal. Girls are like that.”
Well, maybe it is or maybe it isn’t but the reality is I worry. I have always worried. I have worried about being the “fat girl” in a bathing suit, not being “skinny” enough, not loving how I look in a photo. Not being pretty like that person or have skinny legs like this person. Well, her boobs aren’t saggy or she has perfect hair…..you get my drift.
But here’s the thing, it’s not because I think that I am or am not all of these things or lack these things, it’s because truthfully I have had a hard time loving myself externally. I hid for many years behind alcohol, bad relationships, eating garbage food. I was such a wounded girl but wore a happy face for far too long. It seems like it would be easy right, when people are telling you otherwise or when your significant other is affirming you but when it’s an internal struggle, the words feel a bit flawed. I tend to always thank people for their kind words or kindness because I truly am appreciative of the affirmative and sweet thoughts but for so long it was because I thought just that, they were just “being nice and kind” because it’s the “right thing to say or do”.
I have worked for years and years on loving myself from the inside out. I am thankful to have come to a place where I truly love who I am. (The soul of me) After my body went through destruction in October, my thoughts began to change slowly. I started to realize how incredible my body is, how strong my body is and how truly lucky & incredibly blessed I am to be present, to have breathe and to live another day. I began to accept not only my internal wounds and battle scars but my external ones. It’s part of MY story and I own them proudly. How blessed I am to be in a place where I am loved unconditionally by the people around me and have the support to help push me to be my best self.
It took a few months for me to become truly committed to loving myself on the outside as much as I do on the inside and I have to tell you that for the first time (in probably ever) I am learning to Love this shell that is me! I share these very private achievements humbly simply to encourage you not to ever give up. ❤️ Do not EVER listen to lies of someone that tells you that you can’t. Don’t even listen to the lies of yourself and your inner demons because YOU CAN! Don’t ever let your past, your circumstances, or your struggles hold you back from reaching your full potential. Trust me, I did it for far too long. It took tragedy in my life to bring me to a place of brokenness and wake me up. I mean really wake me up. My body (this shell) is not getting younger, it’s not going backwards and it’s the only one I have.
I am NOT where I want to be but Thank You Jesus I’m not where I used to be and I vow to continue to work hard as much physically as I have mentally, emotionally and spiritually to be my best self.
When you take the time to get your emotional, spiritual & mental self in a healthy place, it allows you to clearly get your physical self on track without blinders. I finally committed to myself the time and energy that I deserve, That I craved & made too many excuses for far too long of all the reasons I couldn’t. I stopped fueling my body with shit and started putting health back into my temple. Finally! You know, I’m a whole new level of healthy! I’m happy! I’m on track with my authentic self & I’ll tell you what…. Even though I’m not yet to the potential of my personal fitness goals, it feels DAMN good to be running the race of my life and feel like I’m finally ME physically! The me I’ve been craving for so long. This is just the beginning!
Don’t ever give up on the goals you desire for yourself! Ever!
Here’s what is helping me & I hope by sharing a piece of my heart & journey that it helps you take the step you need or reaffirm the steps you’re taking!
1. Write it down! Your goals. Your food intake. Your activity level. Everyday, write it down! This helps you stay accountable to yourself!
2. Get someone you can be accountable to! That you can vent too when you struggle & That you can share victories with! Someone who won’t judge you and your process but instead will encourage you every single step along the way!!!
Be that same person back for them!
3. Drink H2o! All the time! Choose water! (Seriously, this was one of the toughest ones for me!) Do IT & do it a lot!<<
closing, simply Thank you. Thank you to my love Scott, who supports me and affirms my efforts. Who never complains when I make myself different food or won't have cocktails with him but smiles and believes in me. Who doesn't kill me for flying through bottles of water at an alarming rate! Who gives me the time, space and opportunity to work on me!<<
ank you to my awesome accountability partner Jill who pushes me every day & encourages me every step of the way! God knew I needed her in my life more than she knew!